i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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