There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize