somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
