12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
