I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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