Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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