Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
