Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
