If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
