Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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