this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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