i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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