You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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