It's Friday. Sex?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
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Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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