Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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