Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
