You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
