What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
