you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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