did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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