Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
