is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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