Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
