her vagine was all disorganized.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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