Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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