We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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