I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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