and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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