I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
