Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
