This girl is more easily done than said...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
