Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
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I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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