Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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