Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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