You're earring is so big in my mouth
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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