he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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