And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
