Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
