True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
