kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
