I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
