If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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