they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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