Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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