Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
