Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
