Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
