Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
