Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
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You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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