Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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