Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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