Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
