I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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