a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
