if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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