Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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