He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm at about main and main street
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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