wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
