community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
