i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize