i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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