i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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