so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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