at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
