he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
