I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
