A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
