just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
