You smell like stripper and shame
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
