I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
