Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
