if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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