dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
