I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.