I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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