Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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