Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.