I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.