i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.