And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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