She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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