hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
