Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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