Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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