even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
