Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
