I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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