I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
