Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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