I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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