My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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