I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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