Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
