I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
