Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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