I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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