yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
