She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
