well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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