It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's always time for handjobs
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
