You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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