found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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