He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
