You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
